January 16, 2020 - Jaime
Triggers are weird and stop me in my tracks some days. Yes, there’s the obvious ones but there are small, subtle ones too. I remember being in the grocery store (why are so many stories set in the grocery store?) and passing the frozen burrito aisle. Sawyer was the only one who would eat those single serve beef and jalapeño burritos in the frozen section. Understandably, they are not good.
As I passed by them I had the thought, “I guess I’ll never buy those again,” and I cried. Over a burrito that was $.89 and not good to begin with, but it was my enemy in that moment. To be clear, it wasn’t the first nor the only time I cried in a grocery store. Once I finally got the courage to leave my house (whole other story) I wore sunglasses inside stores for months. I figured I’d rather be perceived as eccentric than sad. (Dissect that, and tell me we don’t have cultural assumptions about grief.) Anyway, it made me mad how something so meaningless could trigger such sadness so quickly. I wanted a button I could wear so if people saw me standing blankly in the burrito section, triggered, they’d look and see, “Oh, her button says her son just died and she’s sad and needs a minute.”
Talking to a friend the other day he referred to it as “his grief card.”
It’s almost like we need a physical indicator to show the world “Hey, heads up! I am grieving, I need to pause and reconnect with the present moment, which might take a minute. Please withhold judgement.”
It’s part of the reason I want to start a movement. Garner the attention of the world for a brief PSA: “The little heart with the jagged edges symbol means someone is grieving. Offer a little love and extra allowance.” Then we could all bust it out when we needed something more from humanity. Or for me, it’s #mysawyerbracelet.
So today, resume your tasks and keep your eyes peeled. Someone might be wearing their own metaphorical button announcing their current pain. Let’s offer a little extra kindness to those around us this week, eh?
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