May 23, 2018 Jaime

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Being at Sawyer's school is difficult, but now it is Sterling's school. When we moved here he was the only one attending that school so it was always know as "Sawyer's school." Even when Sterling wants to go play on the playground she will ask, "Can we go play at Sawyer's school?" I have forced myself to go and volunteer in the classroom a couple of times a month just so I can be in the classroom with Sterling, but every time I enter those doors I am flooded with Sawyer. I only go when I have mustered the strength and then it takes time to come down off the emotional wave. Jack. Poor Jack is in that school all the time. In the middle school where Sawyer died. In the high school where we had Sawyer's Celebration of Life. He is flooded with these emotional waves constantly. And Grayson. He attends school in that same building and every high school auditorium event he has to sit through that horribly difficult day. Strength doesn't begin to describe the trait those two loves of mine manifest. Thankfully, Sterling embraces the inside of the school as her own, which I worried about and am grateful for a teacher who helped her take such ownership.
Anyway, when I was standing in the empty hallway I took a picture to remind me of the great memories Sawyer and I shared at that school and the strength I mustered to return to help Sterling have an involved parent as a Kindergartner. I definitely needed to "Be Strong." Of course I always wear my FEARLESS bracelet side by side. For me moving forward and for him, in remembrance.

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